Lemon Flavored Ice Cream
by Makolin808
Summary: Ice King realizes that he can't net a princess because what he's actually after is... a prince! Lemongrab/Ice King WARNING: THINGS GET VERY HOT AND SPICY! (SMUT!)


"I am so lonely. Why does no one love me?" the Ice King wondered out loud to himself. He sat alone on his icy throne, with no hot babes in sight. Suddenly a thought occurred to him, "What if I can't net a princess because I actually need... a PRINCE!" A surprising thought indeed!

Ice King troubled over this thought for many days, continuing to kidnap princesses as usual. But in the back of his mind, as he shoved random princesses into sacks, he wondered to himself, "Could it be true?" And as Finn and Jake beat him to a pulp he pondered, "Could I have been suppressing my latent attraction to the hunk rump all along?"

"Oh, Gunter! What am I going to do!" Ice King cried out in anguish at Gunter. "What if I'm GAY?!"

"Maybe... maybe it wouldn't be so bad. We could do guy things together! Like... I dunno whatever Finn and Jake like to do together! Only also with kissing! You know... that might actually be pretty great!"

And so the next day, the Ice King set out to find the prince of his dreams, which turned out to be a lot harder than he'd thought it would be! "There sure are a lot of princesses in Ooo, but not very many princes..." Ice King thought to himself as he gracefully flew through the skies, searching high and low for his dream man to kidnap and force into marriage.

Having no luck searching on his own, he decided to go have a chat with his good pal Princess Bubblegum about his man problems, and see if she could offer any advice.

Upon seeing the Ice King's distraught face, Princess Bubblegum told him, "Ice King, get the fuck out of my castle."

As Ice King was leaving PB's castle... he saw... it! His man! He was pretty sure it was a man at least! It's hard to tell when you've got jank ass old wizard eyes. Luckily enough for him, it WAS a man! A very... yellow man...

"Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay," said Ice King to Lemongrab, using his best impersonation of LSP, who was his least favorite princess, but a master of seduction nonetheless.

"WHAT IS IT THAT YOU DESIRE, ICE KING?"

"I desire… YOU!" And just like that Ice King smacked Lemongrab's face into the pavement, knocking him unconscious. Very stealthily, Ice King shoved the beautiful, bloody, unconscious lemon man into his sack, and flew them both off back to his castle. Ice King's castle. Not Lemongrab's.

"I'll just leave you here in this cage while I go freshen up," Ice King told Lemongrab's unconscious body as he dumped him on the prison floor.

As Lemongrab awoke, he realized that he was very cold! So cold, that he expertly deduced that he must be in the Ice Kingdom!

"I WISH I HAD A SWEATER," Lemongrab cried as he stared at his hands, soaked with the blood from his own temple.

Ice King returned just in time to see Lemongrab crying on the floor covered in his own blood. Lemongrab's blood. Not Ice King's.

"Oh, baby, don't cry! Sush baby I make the pain go away."

And just like that the pain was gone!

"IT'S A MIRACLE!" Screamed Lemongrab in his regular talking indoor voice.

"A _Christmas _Miracle," said Ice King as he seductively dropped his towel on the floor while simultaneously lighting his fireplace made of ice that did not melt because it's magic ice.

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN," said Lemongrab, seductively winking both of his eyes in rapid succession.

He attempted to undress himself, but only the pain was gone, not the actual injury, and with all the blood loss it was quite difficult to focus on being sexy.

"Let me help you with that," The Ice King seductively cooed as he unbuttoned all two of the buttons on Lemongrab's shirt.

"BUT I'M SO COLD NOW," whispered Lemongrab loudly as cold air from the Ice Castle gently caressed the area of his soft lemony chest that had previously been covered by his shirt.

"Don't worry… I'll warm you up…"

"I'LL LET YOU HAVE SOME OF MY… VITAL JUICES."

Ice King leaned in for the kiss. It was the first time either of them had ever consensually full on tongue in mouth kissed a man before, or really anyone at all for that matter. Ice King was so excited, that he accidently jabbed Lemongrab in the eye with his long pointy nose!

"OUCH." Lemongrab yelled in pain at the nose in his eye. Ice King pulled his head back, but along with it came Lemongrab's eye! Blood spurted on all the faces of the horrified Gunters who were holding candles and breaking bottles full of rose petals to make things more romantic.

"Sorry bb I make da pain go away again."

And then it was gone again!

….

But so was….

…

…

…

…

…

Lemongrab

He died.

Ice King cried real hard and then stuck it in real quick.

The end…? Yes.


End file.
